keep on hate it or should be forgive?

keep on hate it or should be forgive?


Oh god, I pray for your forgiveness.


I admit that I been drinking of alcohol lately. That’s because I can’t to make a decision and having huge of deplore in myself. I know I’m bad to said that, I’m suffer because I’m hate someone are from my family. What make my headache is she keeps to doing it again and again!

She used to be a closer family that I had, I start to hate of her being ever since she become haughty and headless. She is one of my mothers (my real mother) the one who I mean about.

I remember that early in the “Hari Raya” morning, when our families are gathering together in the kitchen, while I’m having my breakfast, she and my “f**king” aunty are using my mother (my foster mother and her younger sister too) to making a stupid joke and fool in front of cousin and families. What make me feels more upset and angry is, they insults my mother and everybody laughs just like agree and didn’t have any respect my mother.

Because for them, they called it “Entertainment” when insulting people and using that people to make a joke. Believe me, when I heard everyone are laughing that time, my ear are just liked pitching by a thousand of thorn. My heart is feel that’s either. And of course, even my mother didn’t show it, but I know, she must be upset, because of that “fu*king” joke bring her huge of embarrassment. But anyway, my mother is still keeping the smile on her face because she said that not well to us to be moody or upset in this “holy” day.

Further more, if that’s can make and bring their happy or fun, she just don’t mind about its.

But, she’s keep to dropping my mother pride again and again. Don’t you know that how selfish you are? Sometime I feel shame of you.

And of course, I feel embarrass till I can’t to heal my head in front of everybody and I’m lose my appetite to eat my breakfast . It just liked hundred or maybe thousand of thorn inside my heart. But anyway, I’m more pity to my mom. I’m sorry mother, what a useless daughter that you have. I tried to stop them, but, you’re stopping me to do so. I really could not understand why you’re stopping me.



Maybe you don’t want to me fighting and lose my respect to my respect to my real mother. But I’m really upset but I know, She’s feel that more than me.


I don’t know if I should forgive her or hating her? Because people said that it a big sins when you are hate to your own mother. Because that women pregnant you for a 9 month and they are fighting with a death when she are born you. So, what ever it is, you should respect and love her more than you love yourself. I know that she is the one who birthing me and because of her I came to this world I feel graceful to her and I love her as well, but I love my foster mother more than I love her. That’s because my foster mother are always be with me and take care of me since I was baby.

For your information, I live with my foster family already been for 18 years. They are the one who raising me and take care of me when I’m sick, not her (my real mother and family). She (real mother) never beside me when I’m sick, never be with me when I’m scared and never make me feel secure when I’m with her. So, she should be thanks and graceful to my foster mother for raising me and give me the best and complete education to me and of course give me a protection and love me as their daughter. But not to insulting her and make her embarrassing in front people!

If she are insult about me, maybe I can give her my forgiveness because I don’t care what people are talking and saying about me, but, when it come to my mother (foster mother), seriously and hardly to said that, I’m will never and ever to give her a “ forgiveness”…

My patience is crossing my maximum limit and I couldn’t stand with you anymore. I don’t care who you are! Although you’re my real mother but I just don’t care. Listen, if you keep to insulting and didn’t give your respect to my family after this, I promise and I’m swear that I will “Paid Back” you and I guaranty that you will totally sorry and regret about its! And guess what, you will lose my respect too!

I PROMISE YOU, M*TH*R F*C*E*!!